Cinema Privacy Ushered Out
Worried by the competition from handycam movie copies, moronic cinema companies are now spying on their patrons with night-vision telescopes.
Cinema 'cops' deploy night vision devices
As a movie watcher you have always had a choice of going to the hassle and expense of watching the movie when it comes out at the cinema, or waiting for the DVD to be released and watching it in the comfort of your own home. Movie companies know this and so they deliberately delay the DVD release of movies to force you to take the more expensive cinema option.
Of course the cinema experience has more to offer than just getting to see a movie earlier. Some people prefer the atmosphere of a big-screen cinema to watching a DVD. These are valuable customers that movie and cinema companies should appreciate and respect.
In recent years some people have been sneaking video cameras into the cinema, recording the movie and then selling illegal copies of it on DVD. If you have ever had the misfortune of watching one of these you would know that the quality is awful and it is something to be avoided. Modern movies have super high resolutions and fancy surround sound. These are lost on the pirate DVDs. Only the most impatient cheapskates would buy such DVD copies. In my opinion these pose no threat to the legal viewing of the movies.
Surprisingly cinema companies do perceive handycam copying to pose a great threat to their business. Even more surprisingly, they seem to be prepared to sacrifice their greatest strength - the cinema atmosphere, in order to combat a minor weakness - the threat that unobserved patrons might make a crappy handycam copy for resale.
Cinemas who decide to spy on patrons could find that their decision backfires and costs them more patronage than it gains them. This is because patrons who value a bit of privacy and respect from the companies they deal with, might react to the spying by avoiding those cinemas altogether. They might decide to avoid the nosey ushers and wait for the DVD release.
It is easy to understand why some patrons will feel this way. Instead of being allowed to relax and enjoy the movie in the darkened cinema, you will have to be conscious of the fact that an employee is being paid to watch you with a telescope. They could be watching you at any time. Who knows where they are and what they can see with their fancy device.
In times past, a young man could have waited until the cinema lights dim before making a move on his girlfriend in privacy. Now cinema ushers will be scrutinising the legitimacy of his every move. It will be their job to know exactly what is in his hand - it could be a recording device. Is that a mobile phone in his pocket, or is he just pleased to see the movie?
Under this cinema policy, whatever you do in the dark becomes the business of the ushers to know, in order to avoid a violation of copyright. What about violation of privacy?
The cinemas might think it is a great idea to employ these pervy owls. It might stamp out copying by your average handycam and your average mobile phone - at the expense of patron privacy of course. However once the pirates find they cannot use standard cameras, they quite likely will turn to tiny hard-to-detect cameras. In order to detect these smaller cameras, the cinemas will then "need" to make their searches and monitoring far more invasive. Is this what they really want to do?
I think that instead of employing spies, cinemas should employ a bit of commonsense in the way they treat their patrons. If some dodgy people want to make dodgy copies, and other dodgy people want to watch them, so be it. Spoiling the cinema product to claw back these dodgy customers is not good business sense.
